Silver Lining

After the first few peripatetic days since receiving the phone call informing me of my sister's sudden death, I was sitting in the car, but not going anywhere. We were near the front of the line of vehicles waiting for the hearse to pull away from the front of the church. No one spoke. It was near noon, and the sun was overhead and the shadows were gone and everything surrounding us seemed very bright, almost in defiance of the emotional gloom that had settled upon the day.

I had rushed down to Mobile from Washington DC immediately upon hearing the news. My sister and my nephew had been blindsided by another vehicle while on their way to their respective jobs. They had suffered massive injuries and died before they could reach a hospital. The driver of the other vehicle had run a stop sign. She was a teenager who made a serious mistake but was not injured. I spent the first few days in Alabama wanting to blame and hate her, but I couldn't, and she was brave enough to attend the memorial service the night before the funeral. Without someone to be angry at I was left with the grieving process and the grief of those around me. Time was spent on long walks on the beach and long talks into the night.

I am a pessimist at heart. My sister was an optimist and really the most upbeat person I had ever known. Her attitude was infectious. She lived a pretty simple life outside Mobile, in a relatively rural area, and was devoted to her family and her church. She was a good influence on me my entire life, as she was on the rest of my siblings, as she was the oldest of the seven. She had always been able to find the silver lining in any situation.

I was beginning to sweat and drum my fingers along the steering wheel of the rental car. Just as the hearse pulled away from the curb and I shifted into gear, I absent-mindedly turned on the stereo, out of habit more than the desire to hear music. In the CD player was the new U2 CD I had only listened to once before. The first track, Beautiful Day, started just as we started to move. I rolled my window down to a welcome breeze, and as the first chorus began I realized for the first time that the sky was bright blue and the air crystal clear. I looked behind me in the rear view mirror and noted the mile long procession of cars that trailed behind us, still appearing back over the Dog River bridge. And I knew what Mary would say to me - that it was indeed a beautiful day. And ever since, whenever I hear that song I think of that blue sky and look for what is positive in my life.