Starting Out

Song:  Fast Car by Tracey Chapman

My first real experience as a “starving artist” was after college, when I got my first apartment and my first professional writing job as an editorial assistant.  It didn’t pay very much. Living in one of the most expensive cities in the country, it was tough finding something I could afford.

I so vividly remember unpacking what few possessions I owned in this world in a small, but nice, 2 bedroom condo that I would share with another writer/editor. I didn’t mind that I only had a used, twin bed that I had paid $50 for, in a room that was no larger than most single family home’s bathrooms.

This was a huge step for me, as I had led a very sheltered life prior to this moment by my parents’ design.  So the prospect of being truly on my own, after 22 years of being shielded from life’s harsh realities, was very exciting, but very scary and a little sad as well.  I felt a bit said about leaving my childhood and my family behind to open a new chapter in my life.  Suddenly instead of feeling empowered by my freedom, I felt small and alone.     

I remember putting in the cassette tape of Tracey Chapman’s debut release and listening to it over and over in my $20 boom box, as I unpacked.  But the song that seemed to capture all those contradictory happy and sad, excited but scared, feelings that I felt was “Fast Car.”

Like the character in the song, I too was hoping to end one journey in my life.  I was leaving all the baggage of my past and my family behind.  Luckily, unlike the character in the song, I was able to break away and move on. To this day when I hear the song “Fast Car,” I remember that young, scared, girl unsure of what the future would hold.  It’s been quite a ride since then.