Karaoke Debut

OK, I admit it: I’m terrified of singing in public. Despite my performance singing Nirvana songs with a local band when I was thirteen, I’m still terrified. I don’t know what happened between the time I was thirteen and now, but I envy my thirteen year-old self when I think back to how fearless I was at the time. I wasn’t scared of anything back then. I could’ve cared less what anyone thought of me. I walked up to that microphone with the utmost confidence and belted out Kurt Cobain’s lyrics like they were my own. Nowadays, if a band ever asked me to sing with them, I’d secretly love to, but I never would.

What if I got up to that microphone and turned into one of those contestants on ‘American Idol’ who think they’re great but become the laughing stock of the country? The thing is, in my head, I think that I can carry a tune. My dad is a singer, and my sister can sing as well. But what if I think I can sing, then get up there and everyone thinks I suck? I couldn’t risk it. There’s a big difference between singing Nirvana and singing Kelly Clarkson or Madonna.

My friends and I went to a bar one night to have a few drinks. Before long, Erin was running up to the microphone to sing karaoke to a few Stevie Nicks songs. She always jokes that she’s terrible, but she doesn’t care. So then why the hell did I care? Erin always tries to get me to sing with her and I never do.

I remember one of the first times I ever met Erin. We were fourteen at the time, and Liz had previously told her that I sang with the band at the teen center a few weeks prior. We picked Erin up, and she immediately turned to me and said, “Will you sing tonight? Please?” I loved that she thought it was cool just like I did. Some kids made fun of me for it, but my friends knew that it was ‘cool’. Or we thought so anyway.

So now the tables had turned. Erin was the one with the mic, and I was the one watching. Once again, like Déjà Vu, she turned to me and said, “You have to sing.”  

Fine. I chose an easy one: Jewel’s “Who Will Save Your Soul.” I knew there weren’t any high notes  in that song, so I was safe. I waited with a nervous stomachache and sweaty palms until they called my name. Nervously, I walked up to my mic and started singing.

I looked around. What the hell was I so nervous about anyway? We were at a pool hall with a tiny bar and a bunch of middle-aged delinquents. Despite the awful scene, I was so relieved when it was over.

In all honesty, the middle-aged delinquents actually made me feel ten times better when it was over. There was a group of drunk women in their fourties all applauding and screaming my name when I finished.

Ok, I thought. So I wasn’t so bad.

But I’m still terrified.