Angry Chick

We were sitting around the kitchen table.  The light was dim and there was a lingering sense of disappointment in the air.  We had just finished eating dinner and instead of cleaning up the remnants of the meal every member of my family just sat there in silence, looking at one another.

 My mother began the conversation by saying that she was no longer in love with my Dad.  That things change as people get older, and sometimes two people who were once very much in love grow apart. My Dad sat accross the table from her and remained silent.  I could see the terror and grief in his eyes as she spoke.

She continued.  She said that she had all of her things packed and she would be moving to an aprtment just accross town.  She told us that we could go with her or we could remain with my father.  I was immediately struck with a terrible guilt.  What had I done? What could I have done differently? What rose up inside of me after the guilt subsided was rage.  How could she do this to us?  How could she do this to him?

 I looked across the table to my father once again.  When my eyes landed on his visage, I knew. I stood and for a second could not breath.  I swallowed hard and allowed my soul to soak in every drop of rage, disappointment and fear.  I let myself feel it all.  As my eyes too filled with tears I shouted:

"I'm not going! You are wrong and Daddy needs me!"

 As my family sat there in disbelief, I turned my back to all of them and stormed off to my room.  I sat there on my bed crying.  I couldn't understand.  It was something too delicately complicated for my young mind to grasp.  Even now, as an adult it fails to compute.

It was over the next several weeks that I discovered my LOVE for Alanis Morrisette.  She was angry, troubled, and tormented in her music, and I cherished her every word.  I have her entire Album 'Jagged Little Pill' on my ipod now and when I am feeling particularly vulnerable in life, I blast my Morrissette favorite 'Ironic.'