tall ceilings, shadows cast, but warmth was there

it’s the night before i leave.
an hour after i’ve gotten in, gotten the kid cereal, watched cartoons. pushed away the stinking dog and he laughs. it’s when his mother comes in and he shows her this amazing drawing he did for her. it’s when it finally comes out that i’m leaving

tomorrow

and he’s pretending to be a cat and i play along and he laughs and drops on the pillows.

it’s when i’m in my room, sitting alone. i hear them talking, muffled, french, urgent. it’s when he asks “will she come home on the weekends?”

that’s when i realize i love this kid
and my heart breaks immediately afterward.. this sadness i thought i knew, had it pinned.

i didn’t, but i know it now. i feel it in my shoulders and the heaviness of my head, slumping further down. and i feel so ashamed, that i’m abandoning him. cause i take him seriously and i know that this is a big deal.