Self-Destruct ion (The Fun Kind)

I had no business dating my husband when I did. I was coming off a long stretch of crazy with a different guy--and I was feeling pent up and rebellious. But he was up for it, so...

I wanted to go a little wild, but, having always been pretty self-restricted, that didn't mean a whole lot. I spent the first few months picking fights with him just to see how much he could take. I had just finished taking all I could take, so I figured it was my turn to run someone through the ringer.

I can only explain it as when you know you're being deliciously unfair and extravagantly indulgent in your own point of view.  It's an impatient recklessness, a desire to stir up shit and then charm your way out of it. And I had never done that before. I felt damaged, and so I did my best to act like I was.

When I heard this song, I felt like he would get it-- the lyrics embodied it "Being around you offers me another form of relief. When the loneliness leads to bad dreams, and the bad dreams lead me to calling you and I call you and say 'Come here!'".

I don't know that he did get it, but he did get where I was coming from. And he was patient and apparently saw something in me. I got over it by Christmas, and the song is like an old friend who reminds me of the path I tried very hard to go down.