We ran the nights

This song came out at a period in my life where i felt invinsible. My and my friends (all boys) would wait until dark and run around the streets of our small town as though we were the shit. Like no one could possibly touch us! They were all a year or two younger then me with the exception of Phil. I had a crush on him for a while and he'd always been cool among my friends because he was the only one of us that had had sex.

They all smoked cigarettes as the warm night air wrapped around us. Always offering me one, even though they knew i'd never say yes. It was like asking someone if they wanted a drink or something when they came over to your house, merely a social nicety. And we walked on down the road.

For as long as i can remember, somewhere in our town there was always some sort of construction going on. They'd be tearing up a road here, or fixing the sewers there. Those were the spots we went to at night. We sat in the giant concrete tubes that would eventually sit below our feet carrying our water and shit. And we'd spray paint things and write our names in black sharpie.

"Jessica was here!" or "Jessica + Keith = BFF"

In those moments we felt immortal. We were cool. The cigarette smoke sliding out from Phils lips as he stared at me. I wouldn't make eye contact. I was too shy. And Keith and i began to shuffle through my backpack for a phillips screwdriver and a hammer. We had a habit at these contruction sites, a ritual really. We would steal whichever blinking light was on the left end of the barricades and take them back to our rooms as our little trophies of summer and freedom.

It took me a bit longer then usual but twenty minutes and three breaks spent hiding from patrolling cop cars later i held my prize in my hand. We all just stared and laughed talking about tomorrows plans. And as we walked back home to Keith's house i stayed a few steps back. I watched them bullshiting and smiled. We arrived and Phil and i were left a lone to sit outside on Keiths front stairs as he ran in to ask his mom if we could stay the night.

I remember his headphones were very loud with music and i asked him what he was listening to. He pulled out the buds and asked me what i said. I repeated the question and he handed me one.

"Listen for yourself." he said taking a puff.

I put it in and the blasting sounds of "Smooth Criminal" by Alien Ant Farm blew me away! The look on my face in the night was reflected on Keith's mom's red car door. The light i held in my hand glowed, the yellow light pulsing with my heart, my head bobbing. And then i turned around and Phil was trying to lean in and kiss me. Our faces smashed into each other and my lip got caught on one of my teeth. I bled everywhere and it was all perfectly timed with Keith coming back outside.

Adolescence is a crazy awkward time.

And i miss it so...