The Beginning of the End

The year before i started high school, I began talking to a boy in my grade. We talked all year online and become friends. Near the end of the school year, we began talking on the phone and developed an inseperable friendship, although not publically. I was the semi-popular "pretty girl." He was the semi-nerdy kid that people thought was mean for his wit and sarcasm. In the meantime, my best friend had become friends with him as well, but she never developed feelings for him. One week after school got out, I was in the mountains in a Nike store (remember this for later) when she called. The night before, we'd all talked on the phone until 6am. She called and said when i fell asleep on the phone, he told her that he really liked me. He said he adored me and i was his happiness. He told her the next morning he had listened to Nothing Better on repeat for like 30x. A boy had never said those things to me and I thought they were the most amazing things I'd ever heard. He told me the next day to download Nothing Better, and of course i did. I instantly fell in love with it and vowed that it would never become us. (Other than, "Tell me am i right to think that there could be nothing better than making you my bride and slowly growing old together.)

For the next month, we talked ever night from 9- at least 3 am. And then we'd talk all day too. We shared a love of alternative music, especially Death Cab, Postal Service, and various similar bands. We got along great and deep on the inside i started to like him, as much as i tried to oppress it. At the end of June, I left for France for 3 weeks. I tried to call him about a million times but i later learned he'd forgotten his phone when he went somewhere. I was on the phone with my good girl friend, when she ran into him. How ironic. So she told him i'd been trying to get ahold of him. As i was giving the lady my ticket to board the plane, he called. We could ony talk for about two minutes before i had to go. I remember the last thing i said was, "talk to you in three weeks." As soon as i got in Paris, i was miserable. (And i can assure you i adore Paris) I had no one to talk to at night, all i had was my iPod. So at night, I'd listen to the playlist we made together of our favorite songs. One song i grew particularly fond of was "innocent, vigilant, ordinary" by the appleseed cast. Look it up, it will change your life. Anyway, after about 3 days, we finally went to an internet cafe. He had emailed me and said i'd only been gone 4 hours and he was already bored.

We emailed a couple times the week i was in Paris. Finally, we went to Nice. Nice had a more carefree atmosphere and i was a bit more upbeat. We finally got a wifi card and I'd leave the beach early everyday to get online and talk to him. We hinted at liking each other, but never outright said it. One night, I couldn't take it anymore and i decided i had to tell him right then i liked him. I told my mom i forgot something downstairs and hid in a staircase to text him. (Granted these texts cost a doller a piece) I discreetly told him, but he didnt get it. During this time, we became incredibly close, despite the distance. I guess it's true that distance makes the heart grow fonder. I always claim this is the place where i fell in love with him. Remember the Nike story, Nice is named after the god Nike, just a random ironic fact.

When i got back home, it was very evident that we liked each other, still we couldn't admit it. Our friendship carried on and we were still very close. In mid-August, I told him we shouldn't date because of bad timing. He was really upset, and not talking to him for several days made me realize i was stupid. At the back to school dance, he asked me to dance at the last day which was very awkward at first. But we just "knew" at that point. Once school started, the chaos began. This other guy liked me and asked me to homecoming. In the meantime, he (original guy) started going to the park about 200 feet from my house three nights a week for his brother's football practice. I would go to the park almost all of those nights and we'd walk around and talk for three hours. One night, we held hands for the first time, and we knew. The homecoming guy told me to get rid of him, instead i got rid of homecoming guy and left him dateless. Also, in late August, he told me he loved me for the first time. After one late night, he told me that he knew why life was worth living because of knowing me. It was probably one of my favorite things he ever told me.

On September 19, we shared our first kisses with each other. We later decided this was the official date that we started dating. We were extrememly close, and best friends. We dated throughout the winter, and it started to go downhill in February. We broke up for the first time on Feb. 17. I bawled and i mean bawled for hour after hour. I called him the next morning and we got back together, just to break up ultimately on the 25th. I broke down after this, when i realized we had become the couple from nothing better. My greatest nightmare had come true. I promised we'd be back together in the future. On spring break, we video chatted everynight until 4 am. We would literally be lying in bed falling asleep on video chat. We played tennis together two times before SB. We ended up kissing both times and one of them i stayed at his house til late. We subsided after that. I began dating another guy the next month and mine and (let's call him (original guy) Ben) Ben's relationship turned sour. We were incredibly hurtful to each other. The bf and i broke up after just two months. I realized i was meant to be with Ben and casually persued him. In July, he told me he thought we were the type of people that could never be friends, only spouses. He also said somehow he thought that'd happen. Once he also said, "this is weird because i was so used to hating you which was weird because i was so used to loving you." It was incredible. Unfortunately, he would never give, so i had to move on.

I began dating a guy at the end of August. He was wrong for me in almost every way. After about 4 months, i realized Ben was the only person i could ever be happy with and this made me hostile to my bf. I could never even kiss him without thinking about Ben. My doubts in our relationship eventually lead me to break up with him after 7 months. During the last half, I was so miserable that i wasn't with Ben and swore i would try my hardest to get him back. I tried to text him several times during the relationship and he was very short. We actually had a couple of good conversations on SB but never after that. he texted me about the break up once and we had good conversation. Just the other day, I drove straight after school to buy the new Death Cab CD, our favorite band. I went inside to find him there buying the same thing. I thought it was so ironic and not a coincedence. We drove beside each other on the interstate and joked. So that's that, sorry it was long but there was a lot to get out. I dont know where we stand, or what will happen. It'll probably be another Notebook story, who knows. I just can't help but think that we lost something that shouldn't have been lost. Never give up on something you couldn't live without, because i assure you, you cannot. It is miserable. Never give up.