Musical Astrology (4/12/06)

OK, you know the drill, music fans. Your fate is determined not by the stars or the cards, but by the number one song on the charts on the day that you were born. So let's turn our attention to those who were born on April 12, 2006. And the number one song that day was...

Well, if you were born on that day and you're reading this, then bully for you, because you're a pretty intelligent 2-year-old. (With darn good computer skills, I might add.) But, alas, the good news ends there. I mean, just look at the title of the song with which you were introduced to the world: "Bad Day". The only people worse off are those who were born on the same day that Manic & The Depressives swept the nation with "All Is Lost, So Just Give Up". (OK, I made that up, but it should have been a song.)

Worse yet, someday, in the distant future, someone will ask you about the significance of the song that presaged your birth. And you'll be forced to tell them that "Bad Day" became famous because it was used as consolation for those who were voted off a mediocre singing competition that, for some reason, had a strange hold on the entire country. And no one will understand, but rather they will smirk derisively at you before turning away and zooming off in their jet-packs.

Not a pretty picture, is it? What can I tell you? I call 'em like I see 'em.