me first love

when i was younger i had my flings. i dated. but i never had love. until one lonely kindred spirit from pennsylvania entered into my life.

we originally met in a bar. i remember bits and pieces as they tell me, you were wearing...and the description fit. so i ask were you the one that...and the description fit. this is naturally told in retrospect. in fact that night we had exchanged numbers. i do recall through that winter season a weird number popping up. me being the screener i never picked up. id call it back and they didnt answer only dave matthews playing as a ringback tone. i laughed. left some asinine sarcastic response and went on with my life. it wasnt until the spring time i remember walking into the same bar, seeing this person spot me as i entered. i smiled and continued walking.

i had this game back then where i would see how many free drinks i could get until i got that psycho that wanted things. me being the ingenue of the group tried to sneak away. as i did i fell and starting ducking. a hand grabbed my arm and said, ill hide you. it was them.

the rest was pretty much history. in the beginning, things were awkward, it was really our first time ACTUALLY dating. wed go out. have some drinks but hardly spent like real REAL time together. then one day it clicked. we laid in the area near their home we had called the grassy knoll. sometimes wed sit and listen to whatever was going on in my car. and wed share. then this song came on. people my age hardly make a connection to the grateful dead. but for some reason the dead was all i had in high school. i loved it. the freedom. the emotion. the raw feeling when you listened to what they had to say.

jerry spoke my language. sometimes i thought he was the only one that spoke my language until this person came along. all i remember was them jumping up. looking me dead in the eye. and saying, "where did you find this song?!?! its my favorite!" from that point on we were something for 6 years of something. i still think about that. being young. finding love. finding someone. who spoke the same thing i did. finally finding me. and if i close my eyes just right. im on that knoll again. young. and in love. and jerry singing for me, and speaking my language...

"Standing on the moon
With nothing left to do
A lovely view of heaven
But I'd rather be with you - be with you"