Here is the song

Going away to college was, naturally, a huge transition. I had been raised in a strict Catholic household, and I had kept every curfew and done every chore I was told to do for 18 years of my life.So being 1,000 miles away from home with no one to tell me what to do was perhaps more meaningful to me than to the average person. I had no problem doing my own laundry and changing my own sheets, but I DID have a a problem, at least initially, with letting myself stay out past 11 pm. Some habits are hard to break.

My first week at college, I met a guy who helped me get over those initial hesitations. He didn't turn out to be a great guy in a lot of ways, but one thing I will ALWAYS owe him for is that he introduced me to Depeche Mode. When I was in high school, I had heard of Depeche Mode but never listened to them... When they came to town for a concert and everyone at schoolwore t-shirts from the show the next day, I still didn't get it. I had simply not listened to the music before, and in those days before itunes and easy music sharing, I would have had to borrow someone's CD to get a feel for Depeche Mode. I never got around to it.

Then came college, and the aforementionedguy was a HUGE Depeche Mode fan. He must have had all of their CDs. When I expressed ignorance of the group, he spared a moment to look at me with pity, then put "Black Celebration" into the CD player. From chord one, I was hooked. I finally GOT IT. This music was dark and sensual, violent and caressing, and it became the soundtrack of my newfound independence. I could close my eyes and let it slide through me, feeling a little naughty, and not have to explain or apologize for my feelings. It was sexy, and I had never felt particularly sexy before (truthfully, I'd never been ALLOWED to feel particularly sexy before). It was a big step for me.

To this day, Depeche Mode is one of the few groups I can listen to and not get tired of. "Black Celebration" is still my favorite of their albums. "Here is the House" is probably my favorite track, but the entire playlist is outstanding. Even the songs that are pretty depressing at heart can make me smile and relax. The words might be a downer, but the music is delicious. And the last track, "But Not Tonight," ends the whole thing on a surprisingly positive note. Listening to it today recreates the feeling of being free, of being allowed to explore myself and my world in ways I never had before. It's a powerful thing.