I'm the dumb, ugly one

It was the summer vacation after our first year of high school and our gang of five hung out together nearly every day. I really loved my friends – I still see them now, some fifteen years late – but there was one big problem. They were all huge fans of New Kids on the Block. I wasn’t.

If it was just a matter of listening to their album sometimes while we all hung out together, or talking about the latest NKOTB gossip, it probably would have all been all right. But it was worse than that. There were five of us, you know, and there were five New Kids on the Block. The obvious thing to do was model ourselves after them.

Each of my four friends had their own personal favorite New Kid. Long before I could remember the names of the five, my friends had decided which New Kid they wanted to be. That left just one New Kid for me to play, and he was – according to my friends – the dumb, ugly one. They apologized, and they never thought I was dumb or ugly – that’s true, we really were all the best of friends – but still I got stuck playing Danny. Sorry Danny, it’s nothing personal.

Somewhere deep in a cupboard, video tapes exist showing the five of us dancing to Hangin’ Tough, all dressed to look as much like our favorite (or not favorite) New Kid as possible. I’m still scarred by this experience, and whenever the five of us get together these days the topic is likely to come up in conversation – but I’m still waiting for a formal apology.