I Can Do Without The Butterflies

When I was attending college at Virginia State University in 2005, I had the biggest crush on my best friend's brother.  Although, we were both legally considered adults, I felt immature around him because he was two years older than me and I was only a freshman.  To make a long story short, I told his sister to give him my number and he called me the same night.  It was the most nerve-wrecking experience of my life, since this was the first time I had pursued a crush. 

The first ring tone, I ever assigned to Ryan's (my crush and my best friend's brother) calls was "Be Without You" by Mary J. Blige.  In just a few months of talking and getting to know each other, I really had it bad.  I would go to places where I thought Ryan would be, like the gym or the cafeteria.  I wouldn't consider myself a stalker, but it did verge on being a fool in love.  This relationship reminds me so much of this song because I always wanted to be with Ryan, regardless of the warnings the people around me gave.  Although, Mary may be referring directly to her relationship with her husband, I actually felt like Ryan and I could have taken our relationship to that level.

About a year and a half later, Ryan and I still had not seriously committed to each other and I felt it was best for us to leave each other alone.  Eventually, I transferred to a school closer to home so I would be able to pay in-state tuition and not have to pay for room and board.  We speak occasionally at the beginning of a new year, but other than that, contact is scarce. Just to let you know, yes his sister and I are still friends!

In essence, this song reminds me of the first crush I pursued and the good and bad times I had with this person.  Although the relationship did not become what I thought it would have, it was a learning experience all the same.